terrypetersen

“A promise made is a debt unpaid.” – Robert W. Service.

DEAR RUBY: UNSENT LETTERS

(Fiction)

Dear Ruby,
I realize I should explain why I’m writing an old-fashioned letter instead of talking to you in person. I’m not sure what I want to say. There would be too much silence between words—not a thoughtful pause, but Ausable Chasm without its beauty.

Remember rock climbing at the chasm on our honeymoon? Was there ever anything typical about us?

Our wedding day, when for better or worse was a phrase that had as much significance as a television commercial for the terminally naive.

In black and white, that’s all we had in the 1950’s. Black or white cowboy hats determined whether a character was on the side of the law or not. You said that bullets killed both sides equally. I noticed only action and fantasy.

We were young. I wanted to get a job and protect you forever. As the mom, the cook at home.

“No way,” you answered, sweetness mixed with acid. You needed a career as well. You rerouted my chauvinism and triggered my admiration. However, my ignorance could only be channeled so far.

Our baby. A boy. Lived three hours.

“But, sweetheart, he didn’t have a chance anyway.” I tried to comfort you with facts instead of arms. “His brain and kidneys were not properly developed.” Perhaps I need to say goodbye to both George Henry Sr. and George Henry Jr. You mourned our baby. I lost you.”

Draft Two:

Dear Ruby,
In my dream last night I bought a second engagement ring for you. But the ring disappeared when I tried to slip it on your finger. And you got angry as if I were trying some ill-mannered magic trick… No, I can’t admit that. It overflows with insecurity.

Attempt Three:

Dear Ruby,
I worked late again the day we reconciled. It had been dark when I entered my brother’s house. His wife left food for me. She is kind, but sometimes feeling sorry for me leaks out of her and stains my ego. Thanks for taking me back. I have something important to tell you. I’m a changed man—odd timing, I’ll admit, but for the first time in my life, I see clearly you have always been the stronger half. Okay, minus the five months when we were separated. You got a break.

What took me so long?