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Posts Tagged ‘childhood innocence’



In their innocence, very young children know themselves to be light and love. If we will allow them they can teach us to see ourselves the same way.
Michael Jackson


Nature’s Creations 101

A young boy clasps a crayon with his fist
and draws an oblong, orange sun
with long uneven spokes.
He scribbles a
blue-clouded sky.
His big brother points out
the real sky
with patterns his kindergarten
colors can’t imitate.
The boy wads his drawing and his art into a ball
and throws it at his sibling.
Their mother grabs the crumpled paper.
She tells her sons
Nature creates superb designs.
But the sun is too hot
and too far away
to fit on the refrigerator.
Could the child please try again.
And, would Big Brother
please tend to
another art work Nature has provided.
The lawn needs to be cut.

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"Children are the hands by which we take hold of heaven." ~ Henry Ward Beecher


When Real Can Be Almost Anything

You tape scraps of multicolored paper
to white cardboard. With pink, blue, orange, 
and violet squares you design hair.
A purple crayon creates a squat body.

Outstretched arms wear six fingers on 
one hand and four on the other.
Your signature justifies to the right. You
draw off your canvas and onto paper below.

I smile, pleased by an image too powerful
for a single square of paper,
created by chi too fresh to know its power.
Imagination, the world under control

and capable of change and fun, 
time made of this moment only 
and how it can be turned into play.
Until reality challenges its optimism.










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I believe in the goodness of imagination. ~Sue Monk Kidd

Memories, off-screen

A friend calls and her enthusiasm shines.
She describes the beautiful chaos
of her two young children
as they illustrate the book Mommy wrote
about their make-believe adventures,
where the creatures have rhyming names
and skin colors that match the rainbow, 
while the television screen remains blank
and the world expands at their fingertips.


illustration made from kid-style decorated photo

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bear ornament

A person’s a person, no matter how small. Dr. Seuss

 

My son Greg is four years old in this memory. Not every word is accurate. The spirit of the tale remains true.

 

“Mommy, will you write a letter to Santa for me?”

 

“Why sure.” I grab a notepad. My young son begins his list before I can grab a pen from the drawer.

 

“Five hundred trucks, puzzles, books—the fun kind that make everybody laugh, and let’s see…”

 

“Wait a minute. Start again. Five hundred?”

 

“Right. This list is for the poor kids.”

I complete the letter, see what I have in my pantry to give, and then pray that my son’s request becomes real someday.

 

(more…)

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Families are the deepest, most screwed up relationships that we have. Antony Starr




THE DOLL HOUSE

Her pink shirt stained
with chocolate birthday cake,
the little girl moves miniature figures
through her new doll house.
The adults talk.
Their voices rise and fall with
grunts and whines. 

That child’s daddy needs a new attitude.

Ray should knock off the bourbon
before his liver turns into a sponge
like the one in Nita’s filthy sink.

What’s the point of a 25-cent coupon 
on four cans of tuna?

High-priced gas in a rusty Chevy is
like pouring diamonds
into a broken goddamn gumball ring.

The little girl pauses,
interrupted by dull laughter, a cynic’s applause,
as she prepares her doll family for a special trip
under the stairway,
where purple sand and white sea waits, 
with a sky where the only clouds permitted 
are made of ice cream and marshmallows,
and no one over the age of six may enter. 




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ring

All my life I have maintained that the people of the world can learn to live in peace together if they are not brought up with prejudice. (Josephine Baker) 

My blogs have always included either facts or poetry with one exception. Once I wrote a flash fiction piece, The Inside of a Ping Pong Ball, published in 1995. While looking for another document, I discovered a short story I had published in Dream Weaver, a local magazine that unfortunately is no longer operating. This fictional piece is longer than my usual entries. However, I think it fits as well today as it did in any century.

BETWEEN CHESTER AND ME

     Mom and her friends said Chester’s dad was nuts for sending him to an expensive private school after he failed third grade in public school. Again. Especially since the money he spent on out-of-parish tuition could have replaced that worthless pickup truck he drove. But I pretended I didn’t hear. Mom didn’t care what I thought anyway. She said that I may be eight years old, but I could give out eighty years’ worth of opinions. Seems to me I wasn’t allowed to have one different notion about anything, much less too many.

     “We get nasty notes about how much money we owe,” Chester told me, his mouth so full of crooked teeth, even I stared, and I was his best friend. “But Dad always pays. Late maybe. Just has to borrow a little once in a while.”

     “So, doesn’t change a single game we play,” I said. “Uhm. You can’t come over today. I’ve got a doctor’s appointment, just for a check-up. See you at school tomorrow.”    

     I ran off before Chester saw the lie in me. I wish he wouldn’t tell me about his money problems. His dad’s dark shaggy beard and one pair of paint-spattered jeans told me he didn’t have much. Unless he owned more than the one pair of pants I saw, with a star-shaped tear in the knee and copper flecks of something on the seat. Chester wore old clothes like the ones we gave to the Salvation Army, things that were too shabby to wear, but too good for rags. Mom said I should never say anything mean to him. But I shouldn’t bring him home either.

     “Stacey, Chester’s not all there. Do you know what I mean?” she said.

     “Not all where?” I lifted the lid to the sugar jar and tapped the sides a few times. I thought about sucking on one of the crystal chunks that fell into the center, but I didn’t really want it. Besides, it would fall apart as soon as I picked it up. Just like most of my arguments with my mother.

     “Don’t pretend ignorance,” Mom said. “You never know what someone like that is going to do. Besides, it wouldn’t hurt for you to play with another girl now and then.”

     I knew better than to argue anymore. I always ended up with extra chores if I did. But Mom didn’t understand. The other girls wanted to be fashion designers or actresses. Or they played with dolls in boring lace dresses and talked for them in voices that sounded like they’d been sucking-in helium balloons. I never understood how someone could prefer fancy pretend to football. Of course, some of the boys would think since they were boys, they had to be boss. I hated that. Chester never played by those rules.

     Once I broke a string on a brand-new gold yo-yo. I tried to tie the broken part back on, but I knew that wouldn’t work. I was just being stubborn and trying to prove a point about how I lost good birthday money on a piece of junk. So, I got mad and hurled the worthless thing at a fat, old tree. Chester grabbed the two broken halves and covered his ears with them.

     “Hey, Stacey? Look, my head’s winding the string.” He squatted down and stood up again until he got dizzy. Then he stuck his tongue out at me and I laughed so hard I forgot to be in a bad mood.

     In class, Chester would suck in air through his teeth and fold his arithmetic papers like an accordion. Sometimes his answers were so wrong the other kids laughed their heads off. Then it would take Mrs. Craftwood at least five minutes to quiet everybody down. But I wouldn’t laugh, even if Chester said something really funny, like the time he asked if the earth was hollow like the globe in the science room.

     “Yeah, hollow like his head,” Jerry Freeman whispered. Then he stared at me. “Are you going to marry Hollow Head?” Every freckle on Jerry’s face flashed malice.

     I tripped him when he went to sharpen his pencil. He bruised his elbow when he fell into another kid’s desk. I claimed it was an accident, but I know I didn’t look the least bit sorry. Mrs. Craftwood sent me to spend the afternoon in the principal’s office, and I had to sweep floors after school, but it was worth it.

     Chester kept a tiny, gray velvet box hidden in his pocket. A ring with a big white diamond lay in a soft spongy space inside. He said it belonged to his mom. She died and went to heaven not long after he was born.

     “You can’t touch it, Stacey,” he said. “Only I can do that ‘cause it belonged to my mom. I like to hold it and pretend she’s right next to me. Dad said she had hair dark as molasses and a voice that made the angels cry.”

     He rolled the ring in his palm, then held the jewel to the sun, as if he could see more than a few sparkly places. Then he carefully put the ring back inside, and we ran to find swings next to one another on the playground. If there weren’t any, we climbed the monkey bars and he never seemed to care that I always beat him to the top.

     One day in the lunchroom, Mrs. Craftwood saw Chester take the ring out of his pocket. She dragged him to the principal’s office. I threw away the other half of my bologna sandwich and followed them. They didn’t close the door. I saw everything.

     “This ring had to be stolen,” Mrs. Craftwood told Mrs. Austin, “Because this boy’s father is entirely incapable of affording something like this.”

     Mrs. Austin glared at Chester. “Stealing is a sin, son. You should know that.”

     After school when Chester’s dad got to the principal’s office I sat outside the office and listened again. I knew that he had a job in a big, important office a long time ago, but the company closed one day, and he never found another job like it. Then after his wife died, he moved into an old four-room house on the edge of town and did odd jobs now and then. Folks said he didn’t seem to care anymore. But when he charged into Mrs. Austin’s office, it was clear he cared about something.

     He didn’t say anything while she and Mrs. Craftwood accused Chester of stealing. Then he asked if either one of them took a close look at the ring.

     “Why should that be necessary?” Mrs. Austin asked.

     “Because it doesn’t take much light to see the truth in that diamond.  Let me guess.  Came in a gray box. Smells a little like grass stains and peanut butter.”

     “What are you talking about, sir?” Mrs. Austin said.

     I had to cover my ears because Chester’s dad got so loud. And this time the door was shut. He’d slammed it when he went inside. Hard.

     “Would a real diamond look as scratched up as the side of a matchbox?”

     “Please lower your voice,” Mrs. Craftwood said.

     “Not until you return his mother’s ring.”

     I wanted to lean into the door and catch everything that went on, but then Chester’s dad started talking about how his wife deserved better, and so does Chester. Wasn’t so exciting anymore. Something I couldn’t explain made me feel strange, almost like I walked into the boys’ dressing room by mistake. So, I sat on the bench outside the door and waited for what seemed like a long time.

      “Thank you,” Chester said as his dad opened the door. Simple, like nothing was ever taken from him in the first place. He didn’t even see me right away because he was too busy slipping the ring on and off of his finger.

     But his dad’s face looked so red it must have hurt. I could have sworn it burned right through his whiskers. He stopped when he saw me. “Stacey, you’re a good kid. Chester’s crazy about you. Don’t ever get too big for yourself.”

     “I won’t,” I said. But I thought that was a strange thing to say.

     Chester never did come back. He went away to a special-needs school on the other side of town. Mom said it was time for me to start playing with normal children.

     “What’s normal?” I asked, and Mom accused me of being smart aleck.

     But this time I wasn’t.

     After that, I decided it was best to be vague about what I was doing. Sometimes I went to Chester’s house, and we explored the woods behind it. We hoisted ourselves into the trees with lower branches and hunted for birds’ nests and woodpecker holes. He carved our names into a young beech tree.

     “Someday when we’re old enough, let’s get married,” he said. “We’ll come back here, and I’ll draw the heart and put the date on it.”

     “Maybe,” I said. “But let’s look for salamanders down by the creek now.”

     “Okay. But why can’t we ever go to your house to play?”

     “Mom said I had to play outside. She’s cleaning.”

     “You said she was sick last time,” he said.

     “That’s because all she does is clean. And that much cleaning would make anyone sick.”

     I stopped going to his house as much because I got tired of lying. To Mom. To Chester. Then one day I told Mom I was going for a long bike ride all by myself. I went to Chester’s house, but no one was there. When I peeked into his house it was empty, blind-dark. On the way home I felt mean like somehow, I made Chester move away. I stopped at our beech tree in the woods, took a sharp rock, and etched a shallow, lopsided heart around our names. It didn’t look very good. I’m not sure why I did it. Playing house never appealed to me. And Chester and I were never boyfriend and girlfriend.

     But when I went to my cousin Janet’s wedding that summer, I thought about what it would be like to be a grown-up getting married. Maybe just for that day, I would be willing to wear a lace dress, one made by a silly third-grade girl who grew up to be a fashion designer. Of course, I didn’t want to marry just anybody. The groom needed to be special, someone like Chester, who could give me a fake diamond, yet be real inside.

    

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Memory, the song from Cats. I have been singing it at the senior center with a kind piano player who encourages me. I haven’t used my soprano range except to occasionally add a descant during one of our small church services.

Now, memory gives me the notion to randomly go through some of my blogs from the past. The granddaughter I mention in the story below is now preparing for college. With scholarships. She has grown well. I am proud of you, Kate.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

A babe in the house is a well-spring of pleasure, a messenger of peace and love, a resting place for innocence on earth, a link between angels and men. (Martin Fraquhar Tupper)

      I found a spiral-bound journal with a K on the front of it for eighty cents–perfect for six-year-old Kate. I tell her that I couldn’t find one with an R on it for her little sister, Rebecca, but I did get an extra outfit for her for emergencies. Kate sees no problem with cost disparity. Not at six. She is happy about her book and unwraps it immediately.

     “I’ll use it for my letters to God.”

     “Oh.”

     I don’t mention that she asked me how to spell bird this morning. Her spelling vocabulary isn’t that comprehensive yet. Somehow, it doesn’t matter. Our granddaughter’s large heart is easy to read. Phonetically, drawn with stick figures, printed backward. I suspect her God can comprehend whatever she creates without a problem.

     She decorates the front and back cover with blue flowers, drawn with my good calligraphy pen. I let her use it. After all, this is an important communication.

     I can’t say I considered writing God a letter when I was in first grade. Heck, I don’t remember ever setting up a book for anything beyond a day’s coloring.

     We arrive at school a tad early; there’s been a snow delay. She knows the rule, to sit quietly along the wall. She asks me to wait with her, the biggest kid in the class. I try to wear their innocence, squatted on the floor, but it has been too long.

     “Mommy usually sits over there.” She whispers, pointing to three chairs across the way.

     I nod, and the principal says nothing about her breaking the stillness. Sometimes adults need directions from their young ones.

     “You can go to your classrooms now,” the principal says.

     I linger long enough for my final goodbye hug, then leave for my day’s agenda. I wonder with a sense of awe what beauties will fill an eighty-cent notebook and suspect that nothing I accomplish today could come close to its mysteries.

 

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Addie back view (2)

Children are the true connoisseurs, what’s precious to them has no price just value.
(Bel Kaufman

 

Two-year-old Adeline takes my finger, not my hand. Her hands aren’t big enough yet. Her charisma is sunshine mid-summer style. Time to play. I am the only other kid available. My granddaughter doesn’t seem to care about the seventy-three-year age difference.

The make-believe electric surface of her toy stove would be on if the scene were real. A wooden cell phone lies on the right front burner. Adeline needs my help to get corn on the cob out of the coffee pot. Strange, I’ve never faced this problem in my own kitchen.

She pulls two t-shirts out of her drawer and puts one on her head and one on mine. The procession begins. Unfortunately, she doesn’t have enough vocabulary to explain the ritual. I do understand the end of the game when she takes both shirts, returns them to the drawer and says, “all done.”

I don’t understand much of what my youngest grandchild says. I do comprehend her laughter, her enthusiasm, and her love. The slightest sound calls for a dance. Why walk when you can run? World ugliness hasn’t touched her yet. My son and daughter-in-law provide a place where love lives. She is blessed but doesn’t know it yet. I accept the warmth of her hand and revel in her innocence.

When my husband and I close the door and say goodbye, our little one cries. The reality of the outside world appears occasionally. When another child grabs one of her toys. When sickness appears. When fun ends too soon.

We will come back. In person. In the flat space known as facetime. The fullness of reality will arrive slowly. Hatred, pain, destruction, are real. Yet, when I look into her eyes and savor her personality, I want her to be a fresh, simple toddler forever.

Not every child knows the blessings our granddaughter lives. I consider the outgrown clothing I have in a drawer and realize they need a home.

If only I could pull an infant shirt from a drawer, put it in a bag for a child who needs it and say, “all done.” In the meantime, I celebrate what I have, do what I can for somebody else, anyone else, and let time do what it will. Perhaps somehow, I will grow up, too, and understand the difference between peace and pieces.

 

 

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We are formed and molded by our thoughts. Those whose minds are shaped by selfless thoughts give joy when they speak or act. Joy follows them like a shadow that never leaves them. (Buddha)

Eight AM. The doorbell rings. My hair is in pre-brushed condition. I wonder if delivery trucks could be on the road already.

“No, it’s a little boy,” my husband says. “I saw him come up the walk.”

A child, no more than seven years old, appears on the other side of the door, his dark eyes wide. He hands me the morning newspaper.

“Why, thank you,” I say. “That was very kind of you.”

He dips his mask for one moment to show a full-faced smile.

My paler face responds to his sweet, rich chocolate grin.

I don’t recognize the child, but my heart has taken a photograph.

He runs up the street, his backpack announcing the beginning of a school day.

My day has begun with an unopened newspaper and news of a different kind. Good exists. It lives in the spirit of a small boy made of large kindnesses.

I hope that our painted sidewalk and lawn sign make clear important facts: Black Lives Matter. People with Down syndrome have innate value. Individuals from every part of the globe are unique men and women, not alien things.

Hours later I treasure the earlier part of the morning. The blessed gift of a hand-delivered newspaper. Much more than a five-second smile.

 

 

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Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up. (Pablo Picasso)

Chrysalis

 

You laugh when I say Daddy and Uncle Steve were my babies. 

Pool water drips from our bathing suits

through the white plastic slats of our beach chair.

The dark puddles mimic gray shapes shifting overhead.

We sit wrapped in the limited safety of a gold beach towel.

I breathe the scent of your chlorinated hair as if it were medicine.

My embrace would save you from more than chill if it could,

make you a princess at the age of three. 

 

But I think of a chrysalis,

spared the struggle of opening its own cocoon yet denied flight.

I kiss you on the top of your dark, wet head

and tell you how wonderful you are.

I pray for your spirit to sing whenever gray clouds

meet inevitable dark patterns below.   

You giggle. Daddy and Uncle Steve. Babies.

It’s okay, Kate. You don’t need to understand.

Your small body curls next to mine.

I am in no hurry for you to grow up.

I have no idea how soon you will learn about loss.

 

That winter your friend slips under an ice-covered lake.

An accident. She’s critical. Her prognosis, unclear.

As the months pass and your birthday arrives

I prepare for your special dinner.

You come into the kitchen as I cook.

I expect you to ask about your presents.

Instead, you mention your friend,

in a coma now, a sliver of the child she once was.

I pray for her every day.

You appear unaware of the power of words larger than you are.

Your fresh four-year-old trust widens a chrysalis opening.

Gray skies shift overhead, bash the ground below,

and leave you twice as beautiful.

    

illustration made from public domain image and cut paper

published in For a Better World and Piker Press

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