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Posts Tagged ‘choice’

If you're to choose to paint your life today...What will it be? Remember, you're the artist, not the canvas. (Val Uchendu)

Color. A celebration because I see.
Can I discover what is inside each tree
flower, blade of grass, bird on a branch?
Darkness and light, or a lack of privilege?
I close my eyes and picture the scene 
outside my window, every leaf, every bend
in the branches, dark and light greens
depending upon the favor of the sun.
Color, simple yet complex.
Complex, yet asking no more
than to exist.

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One more time. I will try one more time. Copy and paste no longer works. Highlighted text no longer becomes bold. No, I do not plan to turn my computer into electrical compost. I may need to change web servers after all these years of sharing. Sure, I will accept help. However, please remember that my age is the ancient symbol for the eternal, or completion, the number 7, listed twice.

I celebrate this moment and pray that the goblin inside the webpage can be removed without ceremony. I don’t want to frighten the neighbors. In the meantime, I am adding my quote for the day at the end. And hope this isn’t a final moment, at least in this forum.

Experience is the hardest kind of teacher. It gives you the test first and the lesson afterward. Oscar Wilde.

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“The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles!” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Capturing the whole of life continues to evade me. I have been 70 for more than a few years. Yet, learning doesn’t stop. Life has too many complex parts.

When I stood waist-high to grownups, I thought gray hair and wrinkles belonged to creatures of a separate species. Children in the late 1940s and early 1950s lived in another realm. 

We learned rules after we broke them. For example, building a campfire in the basement is not advisable. Even if the responsible individual planned to put it out after the Native American ceremony. I was probably about five at the time. And yes, I was the child who found fire in a box by the hot water heater.

Children sat separately from their elders during family events. We didn’t listen to any adult discussions. Some of our questions received a laugh and others found censure.  

Why isn’t Grandma bald like Grandpa? The observation was innocent enough that a quick guffaw was the only answer. Asking why Mommy and Grandma were so fat was another matter.

Distance. A distinct memory of my early life. The higher and the lower class. Where they were to meet was vague.

Transitions take tangled curves. I wonder if an easy path would have left space to experiment and fail before succeeding.

Now, I speak to my grandchildren at eye level. We play. My three-year-old granddaughter has no understanding that my husband is my son’s daddy. There is no need to explain yet. Wisdom doesn’t come with a set of rules. It’s organic.

I earned the lines in my skin. I treasure a few more as long as each road offers new passageways.

 

 The above painting is part of something new I am discovering.

 

 

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bloody keyboard

Monsters exist, but they are too few in number to be truly dangerous. More dangerous are the common men, the functionaries ready to believe and to act without asking questions.” ― Primo Levi

Dachau, May 1938

(Six months before The Night of Broken Glass)

Part I

The little girl overheard Mama tell Great Uncle Benjamin, “I feigned interest in marketplace pork.”

He answered, “You can’t fool Nazis. You should be true to yourself.”

The little girl was pecking the piano one key at a time, black and white, high and low tones. Uncle’s happy songs lay hidden inside the sounds like secret buried treasure, with a beauty that stretched from one side of the keyboard to the other, sweet sounds that rose and fell, music that told a story she wasn’t allowed to repeat, not even in whispers.

She wondered why the sons and daughters of  Abraham and Jacob’s Traditions should anger anyone. The child searched and found only dissonance under her fingertips when she added more than one key. Uncle had promised to come at noon the next day and lead her small fingers across the scales, but it would take work, an attentive ear, and love. She would practice. And learn.

But dark filled the sky And Uncle never arrived.

Papa came home and said Uncle had been taken. Papa had missed capture by a shadow.

He’d found a way to leave Munich with her and her mother, a passageway as narrow as the eye of a needle used for silk, dangerous, yet their only hope.

And the little girl followed, believing that Uncle would come someday and lead her hands into music because she could work, and listen, and love as well as anyone.

Part II

Benjamin felt the heat of the men next to him, a herd, silenced by fear so strong it had an odor, gut-wrenching and rancid.

One of the guards outside the gate glanced at Benjamin and then looked down. The guard’s face looked familiar.

Benjamin and the young guard stood beside a message bent into the metal: Arbeit Macht Frei, Work sets you free.

The guard had been his student, a youth who expected a golden sound from a flip of the wrist and a closed ear.

Benjamin’s six-year-old niece tried harder.

He imagined her waiting for him as he dropped his shoes next to the others, outside the sign marked brausebad, the bathhouse, the place of cleansing, perhaps the beginning, perhaps the end, but never destruction.

He prayed that even if he couldn’t return, and his niece didn’t learn his song, she would create her own.

previously published

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road in the rain

They say the universe is expanding. That should help with the traffic. (Steven Wright)

I wonder how many drivers have made road trips—without wondering what the…heck is that guy doing? One driver is traveling at NASCAR speed and another is moving twenty miles an hour in a fifty-plus zone.

When my younger son was about kindergarten age I turned onto a narrow road behind a woman, obviously elderly. Her shoulders sloped, and her head leaned over the steering wheel. She drove the center yellow line as if she were failing a sobriety test in slow motion.

When I reacted, my youngster responded, “Oh Mom, maybe she just has old-timer’s disease.

I don’t recall how I got around her, or when she turned onto another road. My son’s innocence, however, stays with me.

His simplicity didn’t nullify the lady as a roadway threat. It did help me get through the moment.

Years later, my middle granddaughter was in the car when a driver cut me off with half a foot to spare.

I gasped, but my granddaughter saved the moment again.

“Grandma, is that what’s called a jackass?”

“Bad driver,” I answered.

Unfortunately, not every accident is an almost. Signs above the highway note the statistics.

Today I am driving in the rain. Someone, male or female—it doesn’t matter—passes me on the left over the center line, misses an oncoming car by about a foot, and then repeats the favor with the next car.

Peace, I think. Not in pieces. Someday. Somehow.

(The above is an edited blog from five years ago.)

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oranges

A warm smile is the universal language of kindness. William Arthur Ward

 Kind words. Sometimes they fall into holes in the road and get lost in chunks of debris. Other times they fill the broken spaces and find the exact contour of the cracks. The words can be random. No more than greetings followed by ordinary blessings. Or friendships that begin with unexpected common interests.

I took of picture of four oranges a neighbor gave me this morning. A gift of some extra Vitamin C for nothing more than a smile and friendly conversation.

Peace. Upon all.

If only it were always that simple.   

 

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“Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell.”
― Edward Abbey, The Journey Home: Some Words in Defense of the American West

Factory Number 413

 

Everyone knows my name, face, and products.

I appear on screens across the world.

Wealth and I speak a coded language,

encrypted inside green and silver.

Luxury touches every corner of my existence.

I touch no one. Distance keeps profit safe.

 

Then, for fun, I bet an associate, “If I walk 

through Factory Number 413 and someone

recognizes me, another layoff is possible.

The workers are not watching what they are doing.”

 

I wore silencing earmuffs.

One of the older men stepped

away from his post and

almost ran into me.

 

“Geesh, do you know who that is?”

another man called. His voice

pierced through the noise.

“Quiet, Jake ain’t with it right now.

His son was laid off the last time around.

He couldn’t feed eight kids

no more. His baby died last week.”

 

I finished my check without adequate

detail. I will send someone from my staff

for the next inspection. Workers need to watch

where they are going.

 

 

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buds

buds

“And suddenly you know: It’s time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings.” Meister Eckhart

  New Tree Buds

The first tree buds I notice this year seem fuzzy, like fine chihuahua fur or moss. The leaf-to-be will give more clues about itself as Spring arrives, even if the observer knows nothing about the botanical world. However, my purpose is metaphorical. Living beings change.

I ask the inner me to be an encouraging atmosphere for any living presence I touch. Peace.

the photo was taken at Mt. Airy Park in Cincinnati, Ohio

 

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“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”
Martin Luther King Jr., A Testament of Hope: The Essential Writings and Speeches

 

Dear Dr. Martin Luther King,

May I speak to the Martin you were when your grandmother died?

Thanks.

I’m asking because I’m a grandmother now. My grandchildren look to me to discover who they are. They learn from the attention I give to them. By my presence. Death took your grandmother and hope left you.

You regained more than hope. You let an entire group of people know who they are.

 It’s a privilege to be a grandparent. And yet the child inside me pretends to be gone. I developed into a loving, accomplished woman who helped pay a stranger’s bill in a grocery store. Yet, I struggle sometimes to feel important enough to get past moments when I was a lost child too. The sun is not gone. The world celebrates today because you planted love, Dr. King. I can’t deny recurrent feelings but can allow them to pass and recognize the whole.

Love, may we learn to allow it to spread inside and outside of our families and neighborhoods.

 

The illustration is taken from a public domain drawing. There are many, just as Dr. King’s gifts are many.

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“It is character that should be the sole measure of judgement in the society of thinking humanity, and nothing short of that would do.” 
― Abhijit Naskar, We Are All Black: A Treatise on Racism

CONTRAST

The news broadcasts the story in an infinite loop.
Nine people killed, one an unborn baby.
Boy or girl, identity as unknown
as the reason for the bullets that stopped them.
I listen to commentary
about hate and racism while a winter-pale 
goldfinch travels from tree to wire, 
a place where robins perch.  
The wire is long with plenty of room.

Perhaps, there is no genuine connection.
Only a brief metaphor. And yet 
I wonder if change can begin
with subtle movements toward peace.




bird illustration made from public domain photo, colored pencil, and chalk


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