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Posts Tagged ‘determination’

Dare to be naïve. (Richard Buckminster Fuller )

Our youngest granddaughter, four-year-old Ella, sounds out words but doesn’t talk in many sentences yet. Down syndrome has affected her speech. She understands, but is limited in her ability to speak fluently.

I am giving Ella a bubble bath as she plays with water toys. The boat soon becomes a cooking pot where she makes soup.

“What kind is it?” I ask.

“Green.”

As she pours that pot out into the tub, she dips more suds into her boat-pot. “White soup.”

I suspect that she wants to add some dessert to the menu when she says, “pie.”

“What kind?”

She grins—with an energy that reaches across her face, pauses, and then mouths what sounds like flatulence.

That is not the answer I expect. Apparently her interaction with other children at school and daycare has extended her life appreciation in multiple directions. “Fart-sound pie,” I tell the towel rack.

“Fart,” she says, once, the R well-rounded and clear. She giggles. So do I. Fortunately the word does not become a mantra the way it does with most children when they discover minor vulgarity.

She merely laughs, her blue eyes flashing simple delight. After she is dried and dressed she runs holding the boat out in front of her, leading it from one room to the other. She has places to go and is eager to travel—wherever her path leads.

When her older cousins, Kate and Rebe, arrive several days later the first thing they want to know is when they can see Ella next. Since I don’t have a date yet I share the bathtub story. Ella’s sense of humor can be present anyway.

Kate and Rebe repeat the tale as if they are putting it into a mini-drama and need to memorize every detail. It will grow stale, in time, replaced by another incident. But I hope the three girls are always eager to see one another, to celebrate the freshness of who-they-are. May their naivety remain intact for many years. And may they continue sharing it with Grandma.

After all, Ella’s first full sentence was, “I love you.”

 

bath toys

 

 

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Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you. (Maori Proverb)

The man at the pool grill, grate-thin, talks to my husband and me about the brats and hamburgers he prepares. He compares them to other means of cooking and rewarming. With a smile that expands him beyond his slender frame he announces, “I have stage-four cancer.”

My hearing is poor. I need new hearing aids; after nine years the old ones gave up trying to help me catch sounds—and occasionally actually to listen. Even if I didn’t hear every word this sunny gentleman said, I caught the line about his health, thrown in like a significant clue in a fascinating stay-up-all-night mystery novel. His tone sounds out of context. And yet, it doesn’t at all. He faces the sun and lets the shadows fall behind.

I watch his eyes and try to follow the level of his fascination for life—even the mundane turning of food on a grill at the YMCA pool.

The ordinary is no longer ordinary when someone’s hours could be counted, when those do-it-sometime-in-the-future dreams become a maybe. Taking-a-blessing-for-granted is not a luxury.

I am not a big fan of fast food. I like to create different vegetable and main course combinations maximizing color as well as choose salads with multiple greens. But somehow, as Mother Nature offers a blue overhead that can’t be duplicated by creatures, a pleasant warming sun dries our bathing suits, a gentle man demonstrates perspective. A white bun with grilled meat doesn’t seem all that boring.

This moment is innately good.

(quote found at the Optimism Revolution, tiny illustration by Terry Petersen)

beautiful things in humble places06042014_0000

 

 

 

 

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Facts and truth really don’t have much to do with each other. (William Faulkner)

For well over an hour I tread water in the adults-only side of the pool and feel temporarily invincible. The air is hot and the water cool as I kick and spread my arms over the water, no need to touch the bottom to feel safe. Of course I know this is play. My life is okay at the moment, with more ups than downs—not perfect. Few people live a utopian existence.

However, one simple thought about imperfection brings to mind some people who need a miracle, immediately. I can’t provide it. In fact, every time another bit of news about their particular situation arrives I find myself holding my breath, as if I were underwater; it doesn’t help. The facts don’t change. And truth is beyond my understanding. It is far larger than anything I can comprehend. I keep hoping that this is only their forty-years-in-the-desert portion of a glorious adventure in a grand new land. But, I don’t have any of the previews for tomorrow. I scarcely have all the information I need for my own agenda for the rest of the week.

I suspect many people have concerns about friends, family, that little old lady next door who seems to have experienced more than her share of disaster and sure doesn’t deserve it. Life isn’t fair, not a new notion.

All I can do is to continue to tread, in and out of the pool—and to love as fully as I can. Dragons can be beaten. Sometimes swords just make them angrier, but forgiveness and acceptance confuse the heck out of them. I guess you just need to know that particular dragon’s vulnerabilities or needs. And that is how the miracles come in. I pray for that kind of truth; when slaying dragons it’s the only kind of knowledge that counts.

 

dragons can be beaten

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You have made some mistakes, and you may not be where you want to be, but that has nothing to do with your future. ( Zig Ziglar )

This post comes after contemplating the nature of arguments:

Strange how often people use the word mistake with a shrug of the shoulders when they talk about themselves, yet accent both syllables when they refer to other people, especially when those folk express opposing viewpoints. We claim these purported errors to be born of ignorance, incompetence, irreverence, or bullheadedness. I’d like to say I’m immune; I’m not. However, criticism isn’t part of my routine. I want to learn as much as I can from the complete picture—and that information isn’t always immediately available at the flip of an emotion.

The way most people feel about almost anything is super-glued to the soul, even if a person claims to be open-minded. Dissolving that bias takes a lot of energy. What we believe we know becomes like the foundation of a house. No one wants to collapse into rubble. Confrontation with someone with a different notion doesn’t lead to truth; it means battle.

I suspect that a sound foundation doesn’t have to be shattered—provided it is built on integrity, honesty, and love. It may need only a few alterations. The problem arrives when it expects the house next door to wear the same shingles.

I sigh as I scroll through Facebook posts that make me grimace, focusing on hate and violence according to my perspective. Then, I realize that the posts that state my beliefs don’t bother me at all. I see their logic. “We don’t see things as they are. We see them as we are.” (Anaïs Nin) While I don’t want to lose focus on World Peace, I don’t want to stop learning from the whole either.

Omniscience isn’t my game, and I don’t want it to be. A daily attempt toward making the world a better place, with a few stumbles along the way? Well, that is another matter.

decorate life with colors

 

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If you observe a really happy man you will find him building a boat, writing a symphony, educating his son, growing double dahlias in his garden, or looking for dinosaur eggs in the Gobi desert. He will not be searching for happiness as if it were a collar button that has rolled under the radiator. (W. Beran Wolfe)

My birthday approaches—and the vision that faces me in the mirror changed over the years. Fortunately, my happiness no longer relies on a young, smooth complexion or a waistline that would have made Scarlet O’Hara jealous with her pinched, ridiculously tiny middle. I need to look beyond the surface, or inside it, depending upon my perspective at the time.

My middle granddaughter, kindergarten age, once told me she could tell I was older than her daddy; I have wrinkles. Fortunately, I was able to laugh. She meant no insult. She was merely pointing out facts. And my reflection agrees, even when the light has been dimmed.

In some ways I am busier now than I was thirty years ago. Sure, I worked an over-full day in a hospital pharmacy and I had two young boys, but I had little notion of who I was. A task was simply a task. One day led to another and I fell into it with little purpose except to survive. Someday, I wanted to write, but those dream moments felt as vague as fog seen through a window, untouched, distant.

My life now is no more perfect than anyone else’s. However, I no longer live in the past or wait for the future.

When I was born there was a hole in the placenta that fed me. I was starved for the first and last time in my life. My head was the size of a small wilted orange. I weighed four pounds, seven and one-half ounces, full term. My mother was told her newborn would be fine with a little more weight on her skinny limbs. Mom didn’t believe the hospital personnel, especially since I was rushed to the nursery, no time for a quick see-you-later. She did not get the chance to count my fingers and toes until ten days after my birth, the day I was discharged. Therefore, we never bonded as parent and child. However, as the years passed birthdays became enormous celebrations.

As my family grew we celebrated with our cousins. All the children received gifts. The birthday child was honored with cake, candles, the traditional works, but all of us opened un-birthday gifts, such as tiny toy cars or coloring books, balloons or crayons.

The disconnection between my mother and me was not malicious or intentional. It happened because it did. And strange as it may seem, the experience gave me a richer understanding of the less-than-perfect parts inside others. And I am grateful for that lack of love.

Today I type words on a page that celebrate the positive, hug grandchildren, try to let friends see the goodness I see in them, make up my own recipes and add extra servings of affection in each dish. I try to refrain from the negative and after a slip-up, remember to say, I’m sorry. My name remains internationally unknown; I’m not a millionaire, and my publications haven’t made it to any famous listings.

But, the metaphorical button that rolled under the radiator can stay there. I have more important goals to pursue.

happy thankful Optimism Revolution

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When you set sail for Ithaca,
wish for the road to be long,
full of adventures, full of knowledge. (C.P. Cavafy )

My husband, younger son, our youngest granddaughter, and I have set sail for St. Louis in a Toyota. We decide to stop to eat. Customers surround the building at our first choice. Sure, this could bring an adventure, but not the one we had in mind. Our little one doesn’t sit still long. Besides, my husband’s mother, Ella’s great grandmother, is waiting for us.

The next restaurant looks much better, especially since I have a gift certificate for this place in my purse. We get a table without a wait.

“Mom, look, isn’t she cute?” comes an animated voice from the table behind me. A teenaged girl with bright eyes and neatly styled dark hair sits with her mother. The girl points to Ella.

“Come on over and say hello,” I say.

The two girls have something in common: they both have Down syndrome.

The teenage girl’s mother and I talk. Before long I realize that we have been visited by a celebrity. The girl with the dark hair’s name is Karrie Brown, easily found on Google. She dreamed of becoming a model. And she did. She has 31,831 likes on her Facebook page as of this moment. (correction, 31,834: I am now one of them.) The following link is only one of many sites that follow her journey: http://www.glamour.com/fashion/blogs/dressed/2013/09/karrie-brown-is-17-has-down-sy.htmlhttp://www.glamour.com/fashion/blogs/dressed/2013/09/karrie-brown-is-17-has-down-sy.html

Karrie’s determination encourages me to keep going after my goal. Age does not need to stand in my way. Too old is a poor excuse. I will not use it. Besides, I have two novels ready to go, and I have had more short stories and poems published this year than I have ever managed previously. I am a late bloomer in the extreme. Okay, Grandma Moses was older.

Ella smiles through bites of chicken. She has possibilities, too. Her speech may be limited, but she loves words—and she sounds them out. She works to capture them. As we continue on our travels Ella goes over the same printed cards with a level of concentration that makes me smile all the way through. Moreover, our youngest granddaughter doesn’t complain about the trivial. She has larger visions in mind. Who knows what adventures she will discover? I’m with her all the way.

People with Down syndrome are as individual as everyone else. They may be likely to display certain characteristics, but these actions don’t describe every person with Trisomy 21.  I notice that my little girl doesn’t need to dominate or be superior in any way. She is who she is. We could all learn to have her level of acceptance. We could all learn from Karrie’s stamina and positive attitude.

I don’t think meeting her was an accident. Some higher power led us to the table behind her and her mother. Her sister just happened to be our server. What a blessing!

Keep up the good work. Karrie. This world can use your positive and beautiful example.

Photo from Karrie’s Facebook page: Karrie Brown Modeling the Future

Karrie Brown - Modeling the FutureLove can’t always be perfect, but it can certainly be sincere. Ask Karrie. It’s her way of life.

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The more sand that has escaped from the hourglass of our life, the clearer we should see through it. (Jean-Paul Sartre, writer and philosopher 1905-1980)

My hourglass of life has had a lot of sand leak out. However, that doesn’t mean I look through the sides with any clarity. In fact, sometimes I rely on the know-how of persons far younger.

As I open the freezer door melted vanilla ice cream drips out. Fortunately our kitchen is small and a towel is handy. This is not exactly a welcome sight on a day when my two older grandchildren are spending the day with Grandma and Grandpa. At least the problem does not seem to be a faulty appliance. Either the door didn’t get shut all the way or something fell and blocked the vents.

“Hey, Kate! Want to earn a dollar or two and help Grandma clean this mess?”

My young buddy is ready and available.

Grandpa helps to empty the space. Then Kate and I get to work. The bottom metal tray is locked into place. I recall pulling it out once, accidentally, to removed spilled ground coffee. I don’t recall how I did itaccidents don’t necessarily replicate themselves for the sake of convenience.

Kate stands on my handy-dandy, short-person kitchen stool and checks the mechanics of the sliding drawer. Within seconds the drawer it out!

“Way to go Kate.” The girl has inherited her mother’s practical creativity. Soon the freezer is clean.

“So, how should we organize this?” I ask.

“Bags on the bottom; boxes on top.”

Somehow the small space seems to have expanded. “Smart girl, Kate. This looks great.”

Sure, I could bemoan the fact that I needed a ten-year-old girl to figure out how to remove a drawer. Or I could celebrate her and maybe even learn how to take the tray out myself the next time. Chances are there will be a next time. I have no plans to claim perfection anytime soon. The fun comes in the adventure of learning, eventually anyway.

judge a fish

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The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing. (Socrates)

The ancient philosopher Socrates may not come to my mind as I listen to ten different ways to use social media as a writer, but how little I know does. I grew up in the fountain pen and manual typewriter era. And I wonder, am I buying the gray-haired stereotype about technology or is some gray matter active under my skull right now? Fortunately the facts-ready speaker at the Mad Anthony Conference gives plenty of reference for later study, so I give up taking illegible notes and take up listening. Hurray for one mode of operation. It helps me to relax and take it all in one step at a time.

As the conference progresses I network face-to-face, meeting and re-meeting other writers. The same advice repeats in several talks: Agents and publishers are human. Approach them as fellow flesh-and-blood creatures, not as unreachable, above-all god figures. Smile. Be yourself.

Moreover, my writing represents who I am, but it only reflects my existence. My spirit stays captured within my body. If I get a rejection or two the earth will continue to spin, the sun will rise and set on schedule, barring Armageddon. Then my computer would be out of commission. Nevertheless, I would probably still grab a paper and pencil and try to chronicle something. Maybe that’s why I go to conferences to learn whatever I can about my craft. I’m addicted to story-telling and don’t want to recover.

In the days of carbon paper and typewriters, a mistake at the bottom of the page required hours of penance. Today the backspace key makes error correction simple. Learning on a deeper level—finding the true self, takes a lot more time and energy.

As I enter each session I consider becoming an empty slate, open to learning the way a young child hears new words, sees different faces,  flowers, and birds, and then pauses to admire smelly dog poop. Discovery transcends borders. The beautiful and the ugly live together and can’t be separated for convenience.

All I need is the willingness to admit that I still have a lot to learn, and that ignorance is okay—more than okay. Then I can plunge into life and embrace wholeness. One adventurous moment at a time. Although I have to admit, Mr. Socrates, not-knowing doesn’t always feel like wisdom at the time.

becoming PIQ

 

 

 

 

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The most precious gift we can offer anyone is our attention. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers. (Thich Nhat Hanh)

I am enjoying time with friends and listening to what they have to say, to who they are. But I am distracted by a tickling in the back of my throat and ask Marie to reread an inspirational passage she has just read. I’d been coughing and all I heard was the cadence of her voice.

As I open a cough drop and lay the wrapper in my lap I notice something I’ve never seen before. Sure I’ve soothed my throat with Hall’s Drops for years, but I never paid a second’s notice to the paper. All I cared about was easing the irritation. Messages appear on the wrapper: Push on. Don’t give up on yourself. You can do it. I laugh and then read them aloud.

All four of us have never noticed the words tucked around that promise of relief. Pat gets up to ask her husband if he has ever seen the tiny printed words. He has. I gather the rest of us have been too busy, focused only on a task—or worse on the end product, not the blessings inherent in the moment. Since the purpose of our gathering is spiritual, I get the clue: life is in the now, every minute aspect of it.

Two days later, after I’ve taken a picture of the wrappers that didn’t get blown away by an unexpected wind that reached into my pocket, something else unexpected happens. I haven’t had breakfast but feel as if my stomach is full, or as if something very heavy is weighing it down. Nevertheless, I manage to sample two free cookies and my usual coffee with another group of friends. Within an hour I’m desperately sorry. Everything comes up much faster than it went down.

Since my husband continues to recover from fractured ribs this is not a good time to be relegated to the couch—inches from a plastic bucket. However, like the unexpected blessings printed into the wrapper, surprises appear.

“What can I get for you?” my husband asks. True, my gut hasn’t yet recovered from my last upchuck, but it doesn’t matter. Jay doesn’t want me to get dehydrated. “I need to try to do a little more anyway.” The graciousness in his voice is transparent. This is good. It’s what real-life love is all about.

cough drop wrapper

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The possibility for rich relationships exists all around youyou simply have to open your eyes, open your mouth and most importantly, open your heart. ( Cheryl Richardson)

If I had been given a crystal ball before I was married, I’m not sure I would have been grinning like a school girl as I took my vows. Oh, I’m not regretting that choice; I’m considering everything that happened just because life doesn’t play favorites. It rains both fortune and misfortune without deciding where either should land.

Not everything I saw as a treasure contained lasting gold and not every catastrophe was fatal. In fact the most difficult situations often brought me to a new level of understanding. Actually, I’m not too comfortable with the folk who are completely satisfied with themselves; I have nothing in common with them. They don’t have anything more to learn.

On July 3, 1971, in an elegant, impractical white gown I wore once, I didn’t foresee two sons and three granddaughters. If I had known one of those beautiful girls would have Down syndrome I would have been terrified. Of course at that time not much help was available for folk who had special needs. Moreover, Ella would require two surgeries before she could leave the hospital after birth, one for duodenal atresia and the other for an AV canal defect. Heart surgery is a relatively new medical advancement. Perhaps, the lack of a future view has been fortunate.

In those long-ago years my heart hadn’t been prepared for the spectacular gift I was going to receive either. My spirit wasn’t large enough yet. However, our youngest granddaughter enlarges it just a little bit more every time she grins and her eyes sparkle with honest love. Most people, and I’m included here, have an innate desire to succeed. In order to do that they compete for first place, for honors, for look-at-me in some form. They often don’t hear what someone else says because they are too busy planning what they are going to add. Most folk with Down syndrome are who-they-are. They don’t try to dominate. They are real. They give without strings attached.

When a pregnant woman learned she was carrying a boy who had Trisomy-21, better known as Down syndrome, some young people who live that life gave her an answer. Warning: the beauty in their responses can lead to leaky tear ducts.

http://www.upworthy.com/a-pregnant-woman-learns-her-baby-has-down-syndrome-people-who-have-it-answer-her-one-big-question-2

March 21 was World Down Syndrome Day. That date was chosen because Down syndrome is caused by the tripling of the twenty-first chromosome. Somehow, I suspect the people affected tripled their ability to grasp patience and joy, too. My Ella teaches the importance of simplicity, the glory of living in the moment, and the wonder of learning something new.

May the gift of the so-called handicapped become contagious. Peace to all!

they call in down syndrome but

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