You are the sum total of everything you’ve ever seen, heard, eaten, smelled, been told, forgotten—it’s all there. Everything influences each of us, and because of that I try to make sure that my experiences are positive. (Maya Angelou)
Before the temperatures temporarily dropped in my corner of the Midwest, I watched the fluctuating dark and bright skies and wondered if they were playing some kind of game. Either that or the atmosphere has a bipolar disorder with rapid cycling. At the pool on Saturday my husband and I were able to tread water for almost two hours while the sky simply made threats. By Sunday we weren’t in the water thirty minutes before the thunder and lightning started.
Storm and blue sky often coexist in metaphorical ways, too. They just aren’t always as obvious.
I’m trying to figure out a problem with the computer—something like asking a second grader to solve quadratic equations. A message has popped up about the validity of my word processor. My gut suspects it is spam; emotion makes a different response. So, my head suggests that I try the checks I know.
While I wait for my icons to reappear after an update and restart I study my current desktop photo—of my two older grandchildren in matching Sisters-Forever T-shirts. The girls both appear happy, confident in their own styles: Kate’s natural smile shows her readiness to embrace the good in all. Rebe’s closed-mouth grin promises humor, in some form, as well as the blunt honesty innate in children too young to be anyone other than themselves.
Actually I have no idea what the girls thought or felt as the photo was taken. A photo presents only one moment. The observer guesses based on clues.
I’m asking what-the-heck-is-going-on-with-my-computer? I’m also questioning my ability to solve problems. And this waiting feels longer than the minute or two it actually takes to watch for the bizarre message to either reappear or vanish into whence it came. The speed of thought is rapid. It can go backward and forward through decades within sixty seconds.
By the time I was the girls’ ages, I already had accepted false notions of myself. Insecurity could have been my mantra, stated in so many forms I automatically went to the end of the line in almost any situation. If I could I would go back through the years and rewrite history, become a different person. However, that person wouldn’t have walked the same journey, and these two dressed-alike granddaughters wouldn’t exist.
I think about positive attitude all the time. However, the notion that all must be blue skies and sweet-smelling flowers interferes with reality. Sure, I need to have an outlook that says today’s effort is worth it. But, sometimes that effort can cost a few tears—maybe even a complaint or two—before success is realized. No one or no thing is perfect. Sometimes success means choosing another path, without crying, Why me?
So far, so good in the computer fix department, even if I don’t know how I did it. Not sure it matters.
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terrypetersen 