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Posts Tagged ‘gratitude’

bear ornament

A person’s a person, no matter how small. Dr. Seuss

 

My son Greg is four years old in this memory. Not every word is accurate. The spirit of the tale remains true.

 

“Mommy, will you write a letter to Santa for me?”

 

“Why sure.” I grab a notepad. My young son begins his list before I can grab a pen from the drawer.

 

“Five hundred trucks, puzzles, books—the fun kind that make everybody laugh, and let’s see…”

 

“Wait a minute. Start again. Five hundred?”

 

“Right. This list is for the poor kids.”

I complete the letter, see what I have in my pantry to give, and then pray that my son’s request becomes real someday.

 

(more…)

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“Ageing is just another word for living.”

Cindy Joseph

Good morning, mirror. I can count on you to be truthful. This day may be young, but my face shouts geriatric. Reflections don’t need to speak to shout reality. You can be powerful. I watch and let what I see connect with my brain and heart so soon after Thanksgiving. Life is a precious gift. I think about gains and losses. People. Things. 

One glance outside shows me trees with rough bark. When birds and animals visit a growing oak or maple, they don’t change the tree’s mind about what the species is, or why it doesn’t have leaves this time of year.  I wonder, was my last storm worth fighting? Or would it have been better to wait it out? Wisdom discerns when to act and when to remain silent. Whatever I do, may I choose to do it, to be it, to act with as full a vision as possible. May I lose this notion that I need to be perfect to be okay.

Good morning, mirror. Good morning, fresh-day me. One more opportunity to make a difference. 

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“The truth is I'm getting old, I said. We already are old, she said with a sigh. What happens is that you don't feel it on the inside, but from the outside everybody can see it.” 
― Gabriel García Márquez





Parallel Places
                                                                         
Two men lie parallel
in geri-chairs.
Mesmerized, one
watches the other sleep,
acts as his protector.
When the sleeping man gasps
and coughs, the first
jolts upright. On unsteady feet
he stands, ready 
to save his comrade.

Two aides rush
to settle the first man.
One of them leans forward
and shouts into his ear. 
You fell this morning. Remember?

I did? 
He appears perplexed, then
does as he is told.
On his side, with his
eyes open wide, he watches,
breath timed
with his wheelchair-bound friend,
even though his sleeping comrade
floats unaware in distant dreams.

The sleeping man’s visitors,
a man and a woman,
notice the gentle guard.
They smile and assure
the old gentleman
he can stay where he is.
He nods.
He may hear.
Or not. He continues his
quiet watch.

The sleeping man's visitors talk about
their grandchildren,
vacations, ordinary tasks.
until the summer heat 
breaks into a storm.

The woman rises
to kiss the sleeping
man on his forehead.
His eyes flutter, 
but he doesn't rouse.

She pauses. The space between
real and unreal appears, 
a shore cracking and dividing.
She fears touching a place
that doesn’t promise an exit. 

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“The older I get, the more I believe in what I can’t explain or understand, even more than the things that are explainable and understandable.”
Lillian Gish

Our carbon monoxide detector squeals at 9PM. My husband and I discover no apparent problem. However, the detector isn’t programmed to cry without reason. We need the help of our utility company. Now.

Within an hour five red caution tags cover worn valves. We don’t have gas to cook, can’t take a warm shower, and rely on the outside mid-fifties temperature for heat. An inconvenience. I realize how much I have taken for granted. Gas has a unique perfume for a good reason.

The next day my son and a trusted friend from our church community tell us there was something bizarre about this situation. Our simple carbon monoxide detector is not designed to detect natural gas leaks. How did it take on an administrative role when it had entry-level training?

The details don’t matter. The unexplained miracle does.

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black squirrel (2)

"Rarely does one see a squirrel tremble." 
Zadie Smith.

The air in Canada carries peace—until a black 
squirrel attack begins.
“Watch out!” a fellow traveler calls as an 
acorn whizzes past me from the roof 
of the motel.

Squashed acorns appear all over 
the parking lot.

The squirrel appears and searches through 
the pieces. Humans aren’t a target now. 
It’s buffet time. 


All I know for certain is that I am not 
invited. The woman who saw the critter's
prank,smiles. 


She and I talk. We feast on the moment,
the serendipity of meeting others. 
illustration made from cut paper and colored pencil
 

					

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ring

All my life I have maintained that the people of the world can learn to live in peace together if they are not brought up with prejudice. (Josephine Baker) 

My blogs have always included either facts or poetry with one exception. Once I wrote a flash fiction piece, The Inside of a Ping Pong Ball, published in 1995. While looking for another document, I discovered a short story I had published in Dream Weaver, a local magazine that unfortunately is no longer operating. This fictional piece is longer than my usual entries. However, I think it fits as well today as it did in any century.

BETWEEN CHESTER AND ME

     Mom and her friends said Chester’s dad was nuts for sending him to an expensive private school after he failed third grade in public school. Again. Especially since the money he spent on out-of-parish tuition could have replaced that worthless pickup truck he drove. But I pretended I didn’t hear. Mom didn’t care what I thought anyway. She said that I may be eight years old, but I could give out eighty years’ worth of opinions. Seems to me I wasn’t allowed to have one different notion about anything, much less too many.

     “We get nasty notes about how much money we owe,” Chester told me, his mouth so full of crooked teeth, even I stared, and I was his best friend. “But Dad always pays. Late maybe. Just has to borrow a little once in a while.”

     “So, doesn’t change a single game we play,” I said. “Uhm. You can’t come over today. I’ve got a doctor’s appointment, just for a check-up. See you at school tomorrow.”    

     I ran off before Chester saw the lie in me. I wish he wouldn’t tell me about his money problems. His dad’s dark shaggy beard and one pair of paint-spattered jeans told me he didn’t have much. Unless he owned more than the one pair of pants I saw, with a star-shaped tear in the knee and copper flecks of something on the seat. Chester wore old clothes like the ones we gave to the Salvation Army, things that were too shabby to wear, but too good for rags. Mom said I should never say anything mean to him. But I shouldn’t bring him home either.

     “Stacey, Chester’s not all there. Do you know what I mean?” she said.

     “Not all where?” I lifted the lid to the sugar jar and tapped the sides a few times. I thought about sucking on one of the crystal chunks that fell into the center, but I didn’t really want it. Besides, it would fall apart as soon as I picked it up. Just like most of my arguments with my mother.

     “Don’t pretend ignorance,” Mom said. “You never know what someone like that is going to do. Besides, it wouldn’t hurt for you to play with another girl now and then.”

     I knew better than to argue anymore. I always ended up with extra chores if I did. But Mom didn’t understand. The other girls wanted to be fashion designers or actresses. Or they played with dolls in boring lace dresses and talked for them in voices that sounded like they’d been sucking-in helium balloons. I never understood how someone could prefer fancy pretend to football. Of course, some of the boys would think since they were boys, they had to be boss. I hated that. Chester never played by those rules.

     Once I broke a string on a brand-new gold yo-yo. I tried to tie the broken part back on, but I knew that wouldn’t work. I was just being stubborn and trying to prove a point about how I lost good birthday money on a piece of junk. So, I got mad and hurled the worthless thing at a fat, old tree. Chester grabbed the two broken halves and covered his ears with them.

     “Hey, Stacey? Look, my head’s winding the string.” He squatted down and stood up again until he got dizzy. Then he stuck his tongue out at me and I laughed so hard I forgot to be in a bad mood.

     In class, Chester would suck in air through his teeth and fold his arithmetic papers like an accordion. Sometimes his answers were so wrong the other kids laughed their heads off. Then it would take Mrs. Craftwood at least five minutes to quiet everybody down. But I wouldn’t laugh, even if Chester said something really funny, like the time he asked if the earth was hollow like the globe in the science room.

     “Yeah, hollow like his head,” Jerry Freeman whispered. Then he stared at me. “Are you going to marry Hollow Head?” Every freckle on Jerry’s face flashed malice.

     I tripped him when he went to sharpen his pencil. He bruised his elbow when he fell into another kid’s desk. I claimed it was an accident, but I know I didn’t look the least bit sorry. Mrs. Craftwood sent me to spend the afternoon in the principal’s office, and I had to sweep floors after school, but it was worth it.

     Chester kept a tiny, gray velvet box hidden in his pocket. A ring with a big white diamond lay in a soft spongy space inside. He said it belonged to his mom. She died and went to heaven not long after he was born.

     “You can’t touch it, Stacey,” he said. “Only I can do that ‘cause it belonged to my mom. I like to hold it and pretend she’s right next to me. Dad said she had hair dark as molasses and a voice that made the angels cry.”

     He rolled the ring in his palm, then held the jewel to the sun, as if he could see more than a few sparkly places. Then he carefully put the ring back inside, and we ran to find swings next to one another on the playground. If there weren’t any, we climbed the monkey bars and he never seemed to care that I always beat him to the top.

     One day in the lunchroom, Mrs. Craftwood saw Chester take the ring out of his pocket. She dragged him to the principal’s office. I threw away the other half of my bologna sandwich and followed them. They didn’t close the door. I saw everything.

     “This ring had to be stolen,” Mrs. Craftwood told Mrs. Austin, “Because this boy’s father is entirely incapable of affording something like this.”

     Mrs. Austin glared at Chester. “Stealing is a sin, son. You should know that.”

     After school when Chester’s dad got to the principal’s office I sat outside the office and listened again. I knew that he had a job in a big, important office a long time ago, but the company closed one day, and he never found another job like it. Then after his wife died, he moved into an old four-room house on the edge of town and did odd jobs now and then. Folks said he didn’t seem to care anymore. But when he charged into Mrs. Austin’s office, it was clear he cared about something.

     He didn’t say anything while she and Mrs. Craftwood accused Chester of stealing. Then he asked if either one of them took a close look at the ring.

     “Why should that be necessary?” Mrs. Austin asked.

     “Because it doesn’t take much light to see the truth in that diamond.  Let me guess.  Came in a gray box. Smells a little like grass stains and peanut butter.”

     “What are you talking about, sir?” Mrs. Austin said.

     I had to cover my ears because Chester’s dad got so loud. And this time the door was shut. He’d slammed it when he went inside. Hard.

     “Would a real diamond look as scratched up as the side of a matchbox?”

     “Please lower your voice,” Mrs. Craftwood said.

     “Not until you return his mother’s ring.”

     I wanted to lean into the door and catch everything that went on, but then Chester’s dad started talking about how his wife deserved better, and so does Chester. Wasn’t so exciting anymore. Something I couldn’t explain made me feel strange, almost like I walked into the boys’ dressing room by mistake. So, I sat on the bench outside the door and waited for what seemed like a long time.

      “Thank you,” Chester said as his dad opened the door. Simple, like nothing was ever taken from him in the first place. He didn’t even see me right away because he was too busy slipping the ring on and off of his finger.

     But his dad’s face looked so red it must have hurt. I could have sworn it burned right through his whiskers. He stopped when he saw me. “Stacey, you’re a good kid. Chester’s crazy about you. Don’t ever get too big for yourself.”

     “I won’t,” I said. But I thought that was a strange thing to say.

     Chester never did come back. He went away to a special-needs school on the other side of town. Mom said it was time for me to start playing with normal children.

     “What’s normal?” I asked, and Mom accused me of being smart aleck.

     But this time I wasn’t.

     After that, I decided it was best to be vague about what I was doing. Sometimes I went to Chester’s house, and we explored the woods behind it. We hoisted ourselves into the trees with lower branches and hunted for birds’ nests and woodpecker holes. He carved our names into a young beech tree.

     “Someday when we’re old enough, let’s get married,” he said. “We’ll come back here, and I’ll draw the heart and put the date on it.”

     “Maybe,” I said. “But let’s look for salamanders down by the creek now.”

     “Okay. But why can’t we ever go to your house to play?”

     “Mom said I had to play outside. She’s cleaning.”

     “You said she was sick last time,” he said.

     “That’s because all she does is clean. And that much cleaning would make anyone sick.”

     I stopped going to his house as much because I got tired of lying. To Mom. To Chester. Then one day I told Mom I was going for a long bike ride all by myself. I went to Chester’s house, but no one was there. When I peeked into his house it was empty, blind-dark. On the way home I felt mean like somehow, I made Chester move away. I stopped at our beech tree in the woods, took a sharp rock, and etched a shallow, lopsided heart around our names. It didn’t look very good. I’m not sure why I did it. Playing house never appealed to me. And Chester and I were never boyfriend and girlfriend.

     But when I went to my cousin Janet’s wedding that summer, I thought about what it would be like to be a grown-up getting married. Maybe just for that day, I would be willing to wear a lace dress, one made by a silly third-grade girl who grew up to be a fashion designer. Of course, I didn’t want to marry just anybody. The groom needed to be special, someone like Chester, who could give me a fake diamond, yet be real inside.

    

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I already have a headache. So why do I keep messing with 
this printer?


Jay,” I call to my husband. “Looks like our printer
is
going flat line.”

It’s had technological heart failure or a fatal key 
stroke, then disconnected itself from life support.

Maybe you can call Tom Strotman. See if he can help
shop for a new one with us
.”

I dial as if my fingers were disconnected. Okay, girl, 
one thing at a time.
Finally, his phone rings.
I tell him about my crisis.

“Did you check the spooler?” he asks.

“What’s that?”

He answers in a calm retired-teacher voice, “I need 
to get up at five tomorrow to go out of town
to babysit,
but I can stop by right after dinner and help.”


The Strotman grandparents get an A-plus in nurturing.
Tom arrives about an hour later.


And he is right. He knows the solution. Restart both
the computer and printer.
Go to Start. Open Settings.
Now Devices. Now Printers and Scanners. Find printer
and Open Queue
.

Apparently, I created a disabled vehicle on the 
freeway at rush hour.
I added a no-go in the
high-speed lane
. Traffic was on hold.

This will probably be the only technically centered blog 
you will find with my name attached to it. This will not
be the only space where I will honor someone who deserves
it.

Thanks, Tom. A best and blessed friend from our twenties
to seventies. I smile whenever I think about
 you
and your family.

(Your wife is the best by the way.)
 
 
 
 
 
 

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“Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.” – Mark Twain

No Clapping Zone

Dupuytren’s Contracture in my left hand
joins with an arthritic thumb to create
its own clumsy five-digit island.

On my right hand, a long-ago 
partially healed broken middle finger
refuses to bend. And avoids vulgar messages.

None of the ten appendages chooses 
to juggle anything more challenging
than a dose of Tylenol.

On one point both hands agree.
No clapping possible.
We look like drunk spiders.

And yet, both left and right concur
in more important matters.
In everyday places.

Let’s cook a meal. Ignore the spills.
Or type this poem, or send a message
to someone who needs support.

Let the larger audience carry
the greater approval for performances.
These hands will offer gifts. Just give them time.


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Let’s stop believing that our differences make us superior or inferior to one another. (Don Miguel Ruiz)

Juneteenth. I was in my seventies when I heard about the event. And the real-person images of human beings sold like cattle, fill my mind.

Have you seen my husband, brother, and child? an old letter reads. The question remains from the day when slavery ended. Legally. An end to the practice came later in name only. Loss remains. Law could not outlaw bigotry and hate. 

I think about how blessed I am to live in a multi-cultured neighborhood where I see color. The way I see the beauty inside a rose garden or a watercolor pallet.

Centuries-old black and white pictures appeared before the day approached. Without moving text. History. In words. Inside the eyes of a captured individual is a fear that must stay hidden. A numbness that was mistaken for ignorance. Stay inside the master’s rules, young man. Consequences can be fatal.

Now. Freedom has come. Listen. Juneteenth. I hope for a time when equality will move with the in-and-out breath of all living creatures. Taken for granted.

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Peace is

Be the peace you wish to be. (Martin Luther King)

“There’s a police car in the parking lot. With its lights on,” someone in our spiritual group calls.

No sirens. Nevertheless, I’m jolted from the sweetness of our gathering.

I see a young man with dark skin and long hair. He hides beside a parked car. He runs next to the beige walls of a church and squats down, then runs again. I don’t know what happened, or why he hides.

With no chaos, no noise, and no gunfire, the police drive away. With the young man inside the car. I hear nothing of a forced encounter. I don’t see the capture at all. The beginning or end of a story. I see part of a scene from a silent play in progress. No ticket to follow its progress.

Later, the moment replays in my mind. And heart. May peace and justice meet without bias. May no violence be a sign of a reasonable outcome.

I recall simpler situations. The lady in front of me in the checkout line at the grocery. She’s uptight over the way a young man bags. I have her pegged. Yet, this could be just a sideways reaction on a difficult day. Even if my assessment is accurate, does it need to alter who I am?

Be the peace you wish to be. Okay, Dr. King. If you can do it, anyone can.

 

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