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Posts Tagged ‘prose poem’

bloody keyboard

Monsters exist, but they are too few in number to be truly dangerous. More dangerous are the common men, the functionaries ready to believe and to act without asking questions.” ― Primo Levi

Dachau, May 1938

(Six months before The Night of Broken Glass)

Part I

The little girl overheard Mama tell Great Uncle Benjamin, “I feigned interest in marketplace pork.”

He answered, “You can’t fool Nazis. You should be true to yourself.”

The little girl was pecking the piano one key at a time, black and white, high and low tones. Uncle’s happy songs lay hidden inside the sounds like secret buried treasure, with a beauty that stretched from one side of the keyboard to the other, sweet sounds that rose and fell, music that told a story she wasn’t allowed to repeat, not even in whispers.

She wondered why the sons and daughters of  Abraham and Jacob’s Traditions should anger anyone. The child searched and found only dissonance under her fingertips when she added more than one key. Uncle had promised to come at noon the next day and lead her small fingers across the scales, but it would take work, an attentive ear, and love. She would practice. And learn.

But dark filled the sky And Uncle never arrived.

Papa came home and said Uncle had been taken. Papa had missed capture by a shadow.

He’d found a way to leave Munich with her and her mother, a passageway as narrow as the eye of a needle used for silk, dangerous, yet their only hope.

And the little girl followed, believing that Uncle would come someday and lead her hands into music because she could work, and listen, and love as well as anyone.

Part II

Benjamin felt the heat of the men next to him, a herd, silenced by fear so strong it had an odor, gut-wrenching and rancid.

One of the guards outside the gate glanced at Benjamin and then looked down. The guard’s face looked familiar.

Benjamin and the young guard stood beside a message bent into the metal: Arbeit Macht Frei, Work sets you free.

The guard had been his student, a youth who expected a golden sound from a flip of the wrist and a closed ear.

Benjamin’s six-year-old niece tried harder.

He imagined her waiting for him as he dropped his shoes next to the others, outside the sign marked brausebad, the bathhouse, the place of cleansing, perhaps the beginning, perhaps the end, but never destruction.

He prayed that even if he couldn’t return, and his niece didn’t learn his song, she would create her own.

previously published

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“A single sunbeam is enough to drive away many shadows.”

St. Francis of Assisi

I am alone in the room. I smile. A large window opens a view of my neighborhood on a 50-degree January day. Choose peace, I tell myself while the news repeats horrors in a universally expected monotone.

A sunbeam appears. Winter-bare trees stretch rich, dark branches against stark cobalt blue. The light reaches into our ordinary living space. The sun’s intensity splashes inside.

Breathe me in, sunbeam seems to say. I won’t stay long. The briefness of my appearance does not negate my presence. Even as the darkness appears, remember my brilliance lives within you, too.

illustration made from public domain drawing

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If A Sweet Gum Could Speak
 
Don’t pray for lighter burdens, but for stronger backs. Nothing 
endures but personal qualities. Those who endure, conquer.
(Rodney A. Winters)
My partners and I in the yard share the same name, sweet gum. 
In the autumn our star leaves create a varied pallet of orange,
yellow, and green. A scene worth painting or watching from the
window as birds visit.
We stand bare now. My branches reach out at a different angle 
than the trees next to me. We are individual, beautiful, rooted in the earth.
Touch my surface. Cold is okay. More than okay. 
Can you imagine how weak you would be if high winds never tested you.
Yes, I am aware of the rest of the earth. It affects me. When you
trim my dead branches. When leaves appear or drop. I don’t have speech.
I do have presence.
Thanks for celebrating this moment with me. 
January, like life itself, ends. Celebrate it while it is here.

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Enlightenment is when a wave realizes it is the ocean. (Thich Nhat Hanh)

My mind travels in unplanned directions as I drive familiar routes. My car goes where it needs to go. And my imagination moves forward and backward. I am en route to the grocery.

On the right side of the road an elderly couple walk along the sidewalk. The gentleman uses a walker. Her arm reaches around his shoulder.

I feel the reality of universal emotion as if it were a new notion. When I was a child we didn’t talk about emotional experience in my family. I believed adults were innately different than children. Taller creatures knew the rules and never knelt backward on a pew in church to see behind them. Stoic was an unspoken virtue.

Grownups laughed at jokes and never explain unfamiliar phrases. At family events kids sat at a smaller table on chairs that tipped easier. We dropped more and were ready for dessert sooner.

Yet, these were the superficial differences. Constant separations told me we were disparate creatures. I was told what to think and how to be. Feelings came up only when they didn’t fit what Mommy wanted.

A strange form of enlightenment came later. A fluid one. Like water. It didn’t arrive at a place I can find again and describe. Understanding, truth, and empathy are not static. Surface waves. Tidal waves. Some moments almost unbearable, others healing. And all belonged to a whole larger than I am. A vast ocean of tested and untested experience.

I arrive in the same parking-lot I’ve seen uncountable times. The sky leaks a few raindrops.

“Good afternoon,” I call to a woman returning her cart. I am lucky. She returns the greeting.

This moment will move into the next. Will I give to the whole as I travel, or not? I will if I am aware that I am the ocean.

 ocean side

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vanilla

Forever is composed of nows. (Emily Dickinson)

Back in the days when I thought childhood and eternity were synonyms, a neighbor kid and I poured vanilla into a teaspoon and tasted it. The flavor was nothing like the ice cream or cake that shared the label. The other girl and I giggled about it. And made faces exaggerating the bitterness.

Again? Yes. We did it again. My mother obviously wasn’t in the room. The taste didn’t improve. Neither did my judgment for years. In a lot of areas. Strange, Mom never did ask why she needed more vanilla so soon. Perhaps we didn’t take as much as my taste buds recall.

That old memory appears as I put a fresh bottle of vanilla in my cabinet. As my mind travels into other realities. Two funerals. One next week. Another not yet planned. The second death occurred today. A member of my church community. It doesn’t seem real. And yet, my head knows differently. I hear her voice in my head. I want to answer back.

Darkness. Light. Bitterness and sweet. This moment. Capture it now.

The holes in lace become the design. The bee, part stinger and part honey maker. A full moon against a black sky.

Childhood and forever. No longer the same.

Balance. May it find its place in more than flavors.

 

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Dandelions, like all things in nature are beautiful when you take the time to pay attention to them. (June Stoyer)

Good afternoon, human. I’ve been awake since early morning, grateful last week’s pesticide spray missed me.

Sure, I’ll pose. There are tulips on the other side of the sidewalk. Red. Yellow. I noticed you didn’t stop to admire them. You knew people in the eighteenth century preferred my ancestors to mowed grass. Nice research. I am hardy, rise early, and sleep late. I appreciate the compliment.

Wait… Don’t leave so quickly. I’d like to play mirror with a homo sapiens for a minute. Because…because you are thinking about people who are important to you. One woman was beaten when she was a child. She needed to be rescued. Yet, her spirit shines brighter than my yellow surface.  Her giving is honest.

I talked a bit fast there. But I wanted to get a lot of stuff in. Strange, isn’t it, how some creations flourish where others dissolve with the next temperature rise? Not a judgment, just what it is. An orchid is in trouble when its leaves get too dark. Can’t change that in a human either. However, the human has more sources for support. Physical. Mental.

You didn’t expect that much from a plant, a flower, this ordinary, did you? Even you have your stereotypes. I hope to see you again after the next mowing. Keep your eyes open. Thanks for the chat.

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The only thing worse than being blind is having sight and no vision. (Helen Keller)

My friend wears her mask over her nose, mouth—and eyes. I don’t comment. She’s blind. It doesn’t matter. I lead her to the hospital’s elevator and through registration. We wait. I suddenly realize

I left my phone in the car. I feel lost without it.

Sun shines through pale beige shades half-drawn along ample windows. The walls wear the same color and light. I try to embrace the moment. The gift of sight. The reason why I give to my friend.

But I left my phone in the car. I feel lost without it.

A medical assistant calls my friend’s name. Only patients are permitted in treatment rooms. I have time to think. To meditate while she meets with her doctor. Instead I bi-locate, tri-locate inside possibilities that will never be

because I left my phone in the car. I feel lost without it.

I find a single scrap of paper. And write. Absorb the moment. What gift is happening now? I breathe in and out. Slowly. My thoughts. Focused one moment, gone the next

because I left my phone in the car. I feel lost without it.

My friend returns. She leaves the aide’s arm and reaches for mine. Communication. Find the difference between sight and vision, want and need.

My friend and I talk. About the trivial, about memories that have lasted. “We’ve had a lot of red lights on this street,” my friend says. She is right. Aware, yet not stuck in the waiting.

My phone rests, messages on hold. Finally, I accept each bite of time. And swallow.

Kaleidoscope, mask and cell phone

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Life is defined by time and seasons. (Lailah Gifty Akita) 

Late September. Two septuagenarians in a blend-in-with-the-scene white Toyota, travel a county highway. Vehicles of all kinds, shapes, and colors join or pass. With anonymous individuals inside. Some courteous, others impatient.

Did I bring my phone? the man in the white car asks his wife. “Right here,” she answers. “Good,” he says. “I’ll call after my doctor’s appointment. And pick you up at the same mall entrance.” His voice remains soft. She smiles. She knows her limited sense of direction.

Foliage changes colors in a different time frame than traffic moves. The woman wonders when the skin on her arms developed ridges. Long parallel lines. Miniature mountainsides. Her experiences saved inside them as one season blends into another.

She walks through the mall pathways. Sees signs demanding masks. Noses over the top. Nothing worth buying. Construction penetrates her ears.

While the season waits outside. One more time.

Time, it’s been awhile

…Yup, Time, It’s Been Awhile I chose large print with the hope that these words will stay in my memory longer. I sit by the heart monitor that lets hospital staff know my heart bypass is operating A-okay. However, I feel best when I’m not thinking about it. My mind is young. Young! Since I…

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I am a tiny seashell
that has secretly drifted ashore
and carries the sound of the ocean
surging through its body. (
Edward Hirsch)

I may not live anywhere close to the ocean, but the ocean-sounds of my experiences remain in the short seashell-body of who I am. They hide in anyone old enough to have a past.

Yes, free will exists, but often knee-jerk reaction comes from expected hurt or rejection that has nothing to do with the moment; it involves long-ago scars formed in the evaporated sea of the past.

The love and acceptance of others creates fresh memories and the ability to see beauty—inside and outside of our shells. There are people who walk the earth who don’t know they are angels. They bring enough light for others to see beyond the expected.

Ella’s soft pink animal-print blanket lies over a chair for show—so that it can be photographed. The blanket was made to comfort her, to keep her warm during a time that promises to be difficult. Her open-heart surgery is scheduled for January 30. The large flannel square is a gift, offered by a woman who doesn’t know our little girl. Barb may or may not have seen a picture of our granddaughter. She gives because that is what she does. I told her I included photos of her creativity in my blogs. I don’t think she has ever looked at them. Praise is not her goal. A simple thank-you suffices.

I now want to be resilient like Ella and humble like Barb. I know Barb’s last name because I have finally been introduced to this gentle angel, but if anonymity serves her intentions, then publishing her first name is stretching it as far as I dare.

Once upon a time I recall being in a retreat group that was asked a rhetorical question. “What would the world be like if you hadn’t been in it?” The second question develops from the first: “What persons have touched your lives in a special way, yet never knew they blessed it?” That question was given more time.

Those people continue to arrive. And I suspect that if I am busy enough with gratitude there won’t be as much room for resentment and worry.

The sound of the ocean surges inside my metaphorical seashell. And sometimes it remembers storms; other times it recalls gentle waves and warm water. It explores each grain of sand underneath it, and knows it is not alone.

blanket made by Barb

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May my silences become more accurate. (Theodore Roethke, poet (1908-1963)

My husband leads me along a winding, unmarked road in the cemetery—I trust him to direct us out again. There were color-coded lines along the middle before the roads were freshly oiled. Now, I depend upon Jay’s sense of direction. For me north, south, east, and west could just as easily be called here, there, nowhere, and the dark side of the moon.

“How do you know which way is north. . . or west?”

He shrugs, smiles, and looks ahead. His map is innate. Perhaps he understands his place on the globe the way I intuit a new recipe.

We celebrate an unusually cool breeze at the end of July and read the names on the tombstones. I see my maiden surname. I don’t know if these people were related to me or not. The lush rolling hills are covered with angelic shapes, traditional tombs, and huge monuments chosen to stand out, to hover over the others. Yet, we don’t stop to honor the grand and the glorious. The persons buried there are just as dead as the ones under the flat, almost lost markers in center plots: mother, father, or beloved son gone too soon. I consider those lives. Who were they? Who am I to those I meet?

Wasps abound in the grass. They hover over the dates on the tombstones: born this date, died another. Real life includes plenty of unavoidable stings. I just don’t want to be the one who wields thoughtless ones during anyone’s “dash” time on this planet.

I take Jay’s hand. I’m not wearing a watch. My at-home agenda will wait as the silence absorbs me, and we trudge up a gravel hill into the afternoon sun.

listen to your heart

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