Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘friendship’





Dogs’ lives are too short. Their only fault, really. (Agnes Sligh Turnbull)


Philander, Guard Dog

I thought Philander was his growl,
low threatening, as he protected his yard.
Squirrels, raccoons, humans stay away.

His bark warned that my bite maims, lames, destroys.
The gate remained locked for good reason.
My friend, his owner, claimed he was as docile

as a newborn pup when he wasn’t acting as Guard Dog
for his sacred territory—the yard. I would have
preferred capturing a wolverine with my bare hands

to greeting him. From a distance. He remained outside
to minimize my wheezing, to facing my allergic reactions.
Occasionally, his old beagle friend, Lady, sneaked inside.

She was nearly blind, gentle. I grew fond of her. Not him.
Then one day, I saw the back gate wide open.
Two white cans stood on the mantle inside. Ashes.

Lady had died. I didn’t know
Philander had been her daily protector.
He had gently held her ear in his mouth and guided

her arthritic wobble down the stairs into his yard.
In his grief, he had gnawed
at his own limbs

until they bled, festered.
He had stopped eating
and followed her.

Now the friends remain inside two white cans.
Unchangeable, identical. Gone. I mourn
without ever having known either fellow creature.

Read Full Post »

“The truth is I'm getting old, I said. We already are old, she said with a sigh. What happens is that you don't feel it on the inside, but from the outside everybody can see it.” 
― Gabriel García Márquez





Parallel Places
                                                                         
Two men lie parallel
in geri-chairs.
Mesmerized, one
watches the other sleep,
acts as his protector.
When the sleeping man gasps
and coughs, the first
jolts upright. On unsteady feet
he stands, ready 
to save his comrade.

Two aides rush
to settle the first man.
One of them leans forward
and shouts into his ear. 
You fell this morning. Remember?

I did? 
He appears perplexed, then
does as he is told.
On his side, with his
eyes open wide, he watches,
breath timed
with his wheelchair-bound friend,
even though his sleeping comrade
floats unaware in distant dreams.

The sleeping man’s visitors,
a man and a woman,
notice the gentle guard.
They smile and assure
the old gentleman
he can stay where he is.
He nods.
He may hear.
Or not. He continues his
quiet watch.

The sleeping man's visitors talk about
their grandchildren,
vacations, ordinary tasks.
until the summer heat 
breaks into a storm.

The woman rises
to kiss the sleeping
man on his forehead.
His eyes flutter, 
but he doesn't rouse.

She pauses. The space between
real and unreal appears, 
a shore cracking and dividing.
She fears touching a place
that doesn’t promise an exit. 

Read Full Post »

I already have a headache. So why do I keep messing with 
this printer?


Jay,” I call to my husband. “Looks like our printer
is
going flat line.”

It’s had technological heart failure or a fatal key 
stroke, then disconnected itself from life support.

Maybe you can call Tom Strotman. See if he can help
shop for a new one with us
.”

I dial as if my fingers were disconnected. Okay, girl, 
one thing at a time.
Finally, his phone rings.
I tell him about my crisis.

“Did you check the spooler?” he asks.

“What’s that?”

He answers in a calm retired-teacher voice, “I need 
to get up at five tomorrow to go out of town
to babysit,
but I can stop by right after dinner and help.”


The Strotman grandparents get an A-plus in nurturing.
Tom arrives about an hour later.


And he is right. He knows the solution. Restart both
the computer and printer.
Go to Start. Open Settings.
Now Devices. Now Printers and Scanners. Find printer
and Open Queue
.

Apparently, I created a disabled vehicle on the 
freeway at rush hour.
I added a no-go in the
high-speed lane
. Traffic was on hold.

This will probably be the only technically centered blog 
you will find with my name attached to it. This will not
be the only space where I will honor someone who deserves
it.

Thanks, Tom. A best and blessed friend from our twenties
to seventies. I smile whenever I think about
 you
and your family.

(Your wife is the best by the way.)
 
 
 
 
 
 

Read Full Post »

ice-covered branch

Being grateful does not mean that everything is necessarily good. It just means that you can accept it as a gift. (Roy T. Bennett)


 Ice and sun create art on the bare trees in our back yard. I can’t say the same thing about the street. And I live between the two. Both real.

 One side flashes beauty, the other danger.

 One neighbor comes from close by. Another friend trudges on foot from several miles away.

 They stab the ice and win, saving two elderly people.

 And the street waits for help. It will come. But the sun has already joined two places with a thing called love.

 I answer with a thing called gratitude.

 

Read Full Post »

Failure doesn’t exist. It’s only a change of direction. (Alejandro Jodorowsky)

Oops! One smudge of cake batter on my pinky. And it tastes horrid. The mixture is missing…sugar! The surprise cake is for someone I love. However, this concoction would work better as an eviction notice for squirrels damaging the attic.

My creation. Saved in time.

An ice cream center, yes! A great idea. Until the freezer door is left partially open. The chocolate cake is lovely. But it looks like it was lined with pale pond scum.

My sweet guest isn’t in the mood for cake anyway. Then, she admits ice cream has been bothering her belly. I guess I need to change direction.

Amazing what sweetness can do. Depending upon what kind it is. Fortunately, in everyday life, flavor and savor don’t need to contain calories.  Amiability does require intention.

This time I am lucky. My guest and I haven’t seen one another for months. She settles in as if she were here yesterday. And the day previous.

“Help yourself,” I say. She puts hot sauce on her spaghetti. I smile but don’t try it.

Life doesn’t have much to do with my expectations. How much I adjust is another matter.

 

 

Read Full Post »

Without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods. (Aristotle)

Ann and I share peanut butter sandwiches and listen to music. We sing along and fake the lyrics. It doesn’t matter whether we know the words or not. The sky promises rain. Inside we celebrate sun. Ann couldn’t see blue if it did suddenly break through unexpectedly. My friend is blind. Her eyes don’t work; her heart-vision does.

She often takes an Access bus to visit a friend in a nursing home. It cheers him up.

“How long can you stay?” I ask.

“What do you need to do today?” she answers. “I don’t want to overstay my welcome.”

The kitchen floor needs a scrub. I have edits. Always. However, I suspect I need the presence of a friend. A shared awareness of a moment that exists now and won’t return.

Ann has the uncanny knack of knowing how I really feel. The last time we were together I’d been upset, and she sensed it. Today is better. We celebrate in simple ways. I could wear a shirt one tear away from the rag bag; she wouldn’t know, or care. She cherishes more lasting values. Who a person is, an ability to give, to care.

The television is off. I’ll face the world scene later. After I accept the fact that both good and evil exist.

Ann and I blast out the words we recognize in old songs and hum when the lyrics don’t get through to our hearing aids.

“I’ll be your friend forever,” she says.

Forever is more than I can grasp. A lot has happened since time began. However, Aristotle was onto something centuries ago. Friendship has tangible value.

May you always have friends you can trust.

 

Read Full Post »

Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn’t know you left open. (John Barrymore)

My grandson, Dakota, and I explore our backyard with his new red plastic truck. It’s large enough for him to sit on it. I’m grateful he realizes I would crush it. A septuagenarian squatting that low and then maneuvering the toy from a bug’s height, would be a sight for the neighbors. I wouldn’t want them to anticipate a 911-call.

“You know you won’t live forever,” he says.

“Yes, I do. That’s why I celebrate time with you, give to others, and love as much as I can.”

He doesn’t answer and continues playing with the truck. We create ramps from National Geographic Magazines. He rolls construction paper and tapes it with heavy tape. My granddaughters’ baby doll bottles in the center maintain firmness.

We let the moments speak for themselves, the challenge to roll or unroll. To go over the ramp with the truck or bypass it. If one tactic doesn’t work, Dakota tries another. My little buddy doesn’t give up easily.

I consider how quickly the notion, not-good-enough, flashes into my mind. I know it was taught to me in childhood. What isn’t good enough? The statement is too generic to be true. Nevertheless, the temptation to just-forget-it rises far too often. For most human critters, both young and old.

My friend, Cathie, calls. She hasn’t seen me at the Y for a while. Either I have been entertaining grandkids or working on my book. She has something to give me.

“When I saw this, all the bright colors,” she says, “I thought of you and just had to get it.”

I plan to meet Cathie. On Friday morning. At ten AM.

She has made a pillow. Cathie is a seamstress. She uses her gift to celebrate other people.

“It’s pre-hugged,” she says, holding the pillow through the plastic bag against her chest.

Since we have both been in the pool, we are soaking wet. A chlorine hug doesn’t negate the love attached to her or her work.

Life isn’t perfect. It never will be. However, with grandchildren like Dakota and friends like Cathie, sweetness is easier to find.

 

Read Full Post »

rose in frameAppreciation is a wonderful thing: It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well. (Voltaire)

I’m struck by two profoundly different moments. The first, an original drawing received on a Christmas card, two months late. The artist died fifteen days before the holiday. The second, a red fabric rose given by my friend Cathy as a Valentine. She told me it was a thank-you for my ready smile.

Cathy’s welcoming approach to everyone results in a sunshine response. However, I’ll accept her gift and hug. Who started our friendship? I don’t know, and it doesn’t matter. Living that friendship does matter.

The Christmas card has found a quiet display in the bedroom. The artist’s picture with his birth and death date appear on the back. I hear his voice in my memory. See you later. A wave and laugh. Not enough time for one more thank you, acknowledgement of his gifts for humor, art, affability.

I talk to him in the silence of my thoughts. About the nuances of art that appear simple, yet come with quick, aptly applied brush strokes. Then, I switch to travel stories and ask what it was like to ride a camel. No response from the other side; I would believe my mind had cracked if I caught his voice in the lamp or mirror.

Then, I realize the gifts of this day bring enough gratitude. One rose, Cathy. Three granddaughters. One almost-grandson and a simple wedding between his mom and my son is in the future. A tiny affair with a big impact—at least in my family’s life.

What is excellent in others belongs to us as well. May that excellence continue to grow because of the next step I take. May we meet in that space…

 

 

Read Full Post »

A good friend is a connection to life—a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world. (Lois Wyse)

A. and I sing along with Christmas carols played in the background at the senior Christmas party. She is not distracted by the colors and movement around her—she can’t see them. Her white cane leans against an empty chair next to her.

A.’s enthusiasm buoys mine. We have already exchanged gifts, nothing dramatic. She gave us the practical items we asked for: potholders and handkerchiefs. We got her a grocery gift-certificate. The gifts don’t matter. Our intentions do.

“You don’t know it, but you really helped me,” I tell her.

Then the leader of the senior program goes to the microphone and asks for quiet. Among a group of older folk, that’s something like suggesting a tornado stop mid-whirl. For a change, everyone’s hearing aids are tuned-in. A little girl plays a few carols on guitar, single notes, but the songs extend into complicated musical patterns.

The featured entertainer switches from guitar to keyboard.

“He’s good,” A. says, tapping out the rhythm to “Here Comes Santa Claus.”

Our friends at the table seem to pick up on her enthusiasm. A. wins one of the door prizes.

When we are in the car and returning home, A. asks how she could possibly have helped me.

I tell her about how our friendship deepened when Jay was in the hospital in the fall. I was having muscle spasms and needed to care for my recovering spouse. She was sunshine when I felt uncertain and more than a little frightened. A. told me then she could listen and would be my friend forever. Her assurance helped me get through a difficult time.

I watch as she feels the items through the plastic wrap over the basket of the door-prize win. Dish cleaner, a wash cloth, some unidentified smaller objects, possibly kitchen oriented. I can’t see anything tucked under the visible objects. I don’t know if any other treasures wait inside. A ceramic angel is situated on top, in the center.

At first I wonder how an angel could have anything to do with miscellaneous cleaning products. Maybe the connection doesn’t need to be obvious. Maybe the blessed isn’t separated from the ordinary. And a human-angel is appreciating a ceramic image with a tactile dexterity I have never experienced.

The winter solstice appears now. Each day slowly adds daylight. A. has never seen light. Yet, she has absorbed it through her being, even if her eyes can’t observe a single cloud, or recognize one shade of blue or gray.

I see the shapes and colors. However, I haven’t captured the fullness of what I can touch, taste, smell, see, and hear. Yet.

A., my newest life teacher, unlocks her apartment door. “Call you in a couple of weeks,” she says. I hope she doesn’t mind if I contact her sooner. This student has a short memory.

The Solstice: created from a public domain image

winter-solstice-with-background

 

Read Full Post »

Life isn’t about getting and having, it’s about giving and being. (Kevin Kruse)

Our friend, Tom, likes homemade soup. So I am making several varieties for his birthday gift. Unusual? Maybe. But I went to college with Tom’s wife, Linda. The four of us have grown through both joy and trials. We now have grandchildren; an off-the-shelf purchase doesn’t seem adequate. So, I’m sending him healthy food, a tangible wish for long life and tomorrows filled with celebrations.

My husband and I did buy a one-hundred-percent-practical item, an insulated Tervis cup. He will be happy with it because he is a grateful person. But soup takes time to create flavor. It sends out a wholesome scent throughout the house.

Homemade soup is symbolic of the time a friendship takes to build, to develop into something unique. Linda and I were part of a larger group in college. My mother told me that another relationship I had would eventually fizzle out. We didn’t have a lot in common. But that Linda and I would be friends forever. Mom and I were not close, but she recognized quality when she saw it. And Linda’s capacity to give seemed to have enormous potential. Mom was right-on.

When Linda met Tom I knew the mix was right. My husband Jay liked Tom, too. Friendship soup was about to brew.

Usually when I make homemade soup I use our small crock-pot. Then I go to exercise class, shop, clean, or write, and let a low electrical setting do the work. Today I fill the largest pot I have with meat and seasonings and simmer the mix on a back burner. I watch the pot to make sure the boil is steady and that the mixture doesn’t burn or overflow.

Since utopia is fantasy everyone’s life sticks to the bottom or boils over. Eventually. I had a pulmonary embolism. Tom and Linda have experienced crises in their lives as well. Our strengths have survived.

Tom is the consummate teacher. He retired and then returned at the same high school under the public school system—not because he needed to do it—because he loves to teach. He earns less yet works as much if not more than he did before.

Tom’s love of teaching does not appear in his classroom as soft and fluffy. In fact the students see him as a hard-liner. He prepares them for real life. Although they may not have the maturity to recognize it. Yet. To a kid, homework seems pointless. Good teachers know the outside-the-classroom exercise gives the instructors even more to do. The work is for the student’s benefit. The world is not necessarily forgiving. Even in the wild, the animal that decides to skip a day of hunting will go hungry that night.

To continue to persevere despite an atmosphere of apathy shows integrity. I applaud Tom for it.

The soup takes hours to boil, cool, and then boil again into tomato, cheese, vegetable, or rice varieties. But I enjoy every minute of the process.

Giving and being, that kind of success is possible for almost anyone.

soups for Tom

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »